At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
