Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
