What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
