thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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