And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
