your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
