I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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