I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
