and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
