So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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