I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
