he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
