He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
