And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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