Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
