I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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