I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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