Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
