We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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