i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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