morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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