1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
