Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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