Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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