Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
