New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
