I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
