this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
