just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
