there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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