I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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