I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
