sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
