boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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