I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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