I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
