Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
