That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
