I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
