It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
