I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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