I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
