I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
