You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
