My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
