i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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