I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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