Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
