me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
