the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
