Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
