Ambien. No doubt about it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The Olympian is in my bed
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